I once knew a woman who, after a few too many cocktails, stepped off a curb and into traffic — forcing panicked motorists to swerve to avoid turning her into road pizza. A nearby cop ticketed the woman for impaired walking and she paid a hefty fine. Seems that law doesn’t apply to folks on New York’s Staten Island, where the family of a 15-year-old girl plans instead to sue the local government because their daughter fell into a sewer manhole while texting on her cell phone.

Yes, that’s right, they’re going to sue because their teenager couldn’t take her eyes off a critical text message long enough to see a big, gaping hole in the ground.

How important would a 15-year-old’s text message actually have to be to warrant that kind of attention?

Was she perhaps texting others to warn them of the impending danger, willingly sacrificing her own safety for the benefit of mankind?

Unlikely.

Seems that young Alexa Longueira was strolling along Victory Boulevard on Staten Island while a crew from the Department of Environmental Protection was flushing a high-pressure sewer line. Crew members briefly turned away to fetch cones (presumably to barricade the open manhole) when Longueira and her mobile phone happened along.

According to reports, the girl suffered a fright and some scrapes on her arms and back after she dropped into the hole.

“It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me,” Longueria told the Staten Island Advance. “They were just, like, ‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’”

Longueria’s parents will make sure they are. The teen’s folks say they intend to sue — although it’s not currently clear for what.

While their daughter was checked out at a local hospital and released, it’s the “gross” factor that seems to be driving at least her mom’s quest for legal revenge.

“Oh my God, it was putrid,” said the girl’s mother, Kim Longueria. “One of her sneakers is still down there.”

The burning question, however: Where’s that cell phone? My guess is that it emerged unscathed.

Tags: cell phone, Department of Environmental Protection, lawsuit, manhole, Staten Island